Please Find It In Your Hearts To Help

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survivorheal

I have been posting a gofundme page for about a month now. I have not hade any responses to the post. I normally would not ask for help but this is somthing I cant do on my own. I have a giving heart and always gave what I can afford to. I am not asking for a big donation just what is affordable to people. If I can get at least 50 people to give at least $10, I would be able to get at least a couch instead of sitting on a plastic lawn chair to watch tv. Its not much I am asking for. I know we had to throw out most of our belongings but that we can handle. What we spent trying to treat our home we understand that cannot be replaced. I pray to God every night for help. I dont work I am disabled…

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Please Find It In Your Hearts To Help

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I have been posting a gofundme page for about a month now. I have not hade any responses to the post. I normally would not ask for help but this is somthing I cant do on my own. I have a giving heart and always gave what I can afford to. I am not asking for a big donation just what is affordable to people. If I can get at least 50 people to give at least $10, I would be able to get at least a couch instead of sitting on a plastic lawn chair to watch tv. Its not much I am asking for. I know we had to throw out most of our belongings but that we can handle. What we spent trying to treat our home we understand that cannot be replaced. I pray to God every night for help. I dont work I am disabled and on chemo, ny husband works but it only cover our cost of living, the mortgage, utility bills home and car insurance food and other basic needs. Again please find it in your hearts to do the kind act of helping. The Bible says in Acts 20:35 “You should remember the words of Lord Jesus, it is more blessed to give than to recieve. Deuteronomy 15:11 “There will always be poor peoplein the land. Therefore I ask you to be open handed to your fellow people who are poor…” https://gofund.me/42115205

My Testimony

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ORIGINALLY POSTED ON AUGUST 19, 2015 BY SURVIVORSHEAL

Today I want to share my testimony with you . I have been a victim of abuse sexually , physically and mentally since early childhood years. As a child I was sexually abused a family member. I learned to hide in closets or wherever to hide when alone feeling shamed.
At 19 years old I graduated from high school and became a nurse. I moved in with my first (love). Stayed with him for 12 years in all. This man was a drinker and tend to be mentally abusive to me. For a short time I started to drink just to cope with issues that bothered me and to fit in his lifestyle. Working two jobs and supporting him and drinking habit became stressful as we fought a lot. I quit drinking when I realized that drinking was becoming a habit. After six years I had my firstborn and seen the true side of where things stood between us. He made it clear he did not want to be a dad. I suffered My first nervous breakdown in the December of 1997 just after my daughter also became a 4 year old sex abuse victim by her father’s friend. In 1998 I had my second child (unplanned pregnancy) and still no change of their father’s drinking and arguing with me. I had two more breakdowns and became agoraphobic hiding pain inside.
When I finally grew the courage, I left this man to go into another burning trap. I met my soon to be ex-husband when my youngest was five months old. 14 more years of abuse that was worse than the other because he was also a very abusive drunk. I was beaten, had a knife put to my throat, sexually assaulted on many occasions ( forced anal sex). Hiding from the shame of abuse and hurt became a part of my life. Isolating me and my babies from people so they never would see the truth and judge me for it. Suffering with agorophobia, ptsd , anxiety and depression, I have been in and out of mental hospitals through these years; I never told doctors or therapist my life at home. In March 2012 I suffered the last abuse, betrayed by raped ( including sodomy) by the hands of my husband. I couldn’t take anymore hurt and felt my children deserved a stronger mom as they became more and more aware of my abuse.
I knew there was only one way for me to transform my life. I began studying Christian religion and handed all of my past for Jesus to take from me. I wrote my e-book to inspire other not to live the years of abuse I had lived. I now dedicate myself to reach out and continue telling my abuse as it helps me just by knowing I can make a difference in other’s situations. I don’t care if I change one victim or a handful of victims to become survivors like I am . I know at times I may still struggle or fall but Jesus will keep catching me when I do.

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The Long Term Effects of Child Abuse

People don’t often understand the long term effects, a victim of child abuse suffer from as they enter adulthood. Being a victim of child abuse, is not something a person outgrow or something that will just fade away, especially when some abuse goes on for years and went unknown. So many children live in abuse that is unreported for many reasons. Even with reported cases a victim lives with the mental effects that was caused by the abuse.
Quite often a victim of abuse enter their adult years with mental illness.
Some mental illnesses are more severe than others. Depression, anxiety, suicide, self hate, low self esteem, ptsd, dissociative disorder,are some examples of the mental illnesses that follow abuse. Often the mental illnesses may lead to more serious effects like anger, rage or drug addiction.
Often society has judged mental illness and drug addiction, not knowing how ones past was. These judgments may only cause the mental illness to get worse and become a danger. Mental illness and drug addiction is not a choice like society often sees it to be.
I myself a survivor of child abuse suffered many years of mental illness. I lived with agoraphobia, depression and panic disorders. I was suicidal in my past. I was judged where my self blame only grew worse.
We have to keep reaching out to victims of abuse and help them become survivors. Let them know they don’t have to fight their past alone. Show them people do care and are willing to help them.
We cannot let street drug addiction keep killing young people today. We have to put the suicidal rates of young adults and children down. Its time to stand up and be their voices . Reach out and help change a life.

Protecting our children

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Its just about five years since I left an abusive marriage now. My girls are now young adults. They both are dealing with the mental effects of our past. Sometimes I have to convince myself I am not at any fault .
 My oldest daughter is a single mom just getting out of an abusive relationship herself. Her ex still calls and tries to manipulate her and control her life even though he has been in a new relationship. She suffers with severe panic attacks, social anxiety and some depression.
My youngest daughter has suffered with anger issues and has physically caused harm to people. She is now trying to take control of her anger, which is now causing her depression.
The reason why I am writing this is so people can understand domestic violence does make an impact on our children.  Some children grow to be passive and others grow to be aggressive.
Its not us victims of abuse to blame.
So many times I hear well you chose to raise children in that environment. They don’t see it’s not really a choice we willingly make. We live in fear of what the abuser will do if we try to walk away. We are often threaten if we leave to take the children or cause harm to them. They control our every move to make sure we are not able to get out.
 Please if anyone out there is going through domestic violence find help. Talk to a doctor, child’s school anyone and let them know you need help. Nine times out of ten they will listen and send help your way. One lady I advised on an online support group was write a letter to the school principal, let them know what is going on in the home and your in need of help. Put this letter in the child’s school bag with their homework. Or even call and schedule a conference with the teacher, or abuser will only think it’s school related. When you get to the school let them know your home situation they can  help.
 Children our silent victims.