The other day I was talking to a friend I knew for quite some time. She always talked of her family including her husband. She talked of what a great person he is, what a sweet daddy he is and so on .
One day she was venting on how she found out how her husband has been cheating on her. She was very hurt and depressed. A mom of five young boys. She didn’t know what to do next. She was very depressed and said she couldn’t move forward.
I was surprised to hear this because every one thought she had the perfect marriage and the perfect husband. She asked me for advise on how to put this pass her.
I really didn’t know how to answer so I did the best I can. I told her I knew how it felt to feel alone and scared . I then added that I was in a different situation than her. I told her about my abused life and marriage.
What she told me next was to my surprise. She said she was abused also. I never expected this because she never seems to be a victim and was constantly talking so highly of her husband.
Like I always say abuse can be happening anywhere to any woman or man. There are not always bruise not always signs to look for.
I hid my abuse for many years and being a survivor of my past I have to say to victims. I know its hard to speak out I been there. Find one person you can trust and let them know. Don’t hide in shame or embarrassment like I did as well as many others. Abuse is not your fault. Its nothing yo feel you have to be shameful about and continue to live in it. You children are being exposed to it. You may feel they are to young to notice or understand, believe me they know. Get out and get help. Since childhood I his sexual and physical abuse. My daughters were raise in it . Now at the age of 45 , I look back at those years and ask myself how did you survive. I am a survivor and you can be to. Speak out your not alone and someone will hear you.
As we all know October is domestic abuse awareness. . It has been three years since I have been free from my past abuse.
I know I am a survivor and I am a strong woman and no one will ever abuse me again. I have let go and forgiven my past . There will always be a memory of my past inside me, whether it’s a dream of my abusers , something someone says that triggers or even something on television. I know they are only memories that will keep me strong.
Here is my testimony
I have been a victim of abuse sexually , physically and mentally since early childhood years. As a child I was sexually abused a family member. . I learn to hide in closets or wherever to hide when alone feeling shamed..
At 19 years old I graduated from high school . I moved in with my first (love). Stayed with him for 12 years in all. This man was a drinker and tend to be mentally abusive to me. For a short time I started to drink just to cope with issues that bothered me and to fit in his lifestyle. Working two jobs and supporting him and drinking habit became stressful as we fought a lot. I quit drinking when I realized that drinking was becoming a habit. After six years I had my firstborn and seen the true side of where things stood between us. He made it clear he did not want to be a dad. I suffered My first nervous breakdown in the December of 1997 just after my daughter also became a 4 year old sex abuse victim by her father’s friend. In 1998 I had my second child (unplanned pregnancy) and still no change of their father’s drinking and arguing with me. I had two more breakdowns and became agoraphobic hiding pain inside..
When I finally grew the courage, I left this man to go into another burning trap. I met my soon to be ex husband when my youngest was five months old… 14 more years of abuse that was worse than the other because he was also a very abusive drunk. I was beaten, had knives put to my throat, and sexually assaulted on many occasions ( forced anal sex). Hiding from the shame of abuse and hurt became a part of my life. Isolating me and my babies from people so they never would see the truth and judge me for it. Suffering with agoraphobia, ptsd , anxiety and depression, I have been in and out of mental hospitals through these years; I never told doctors or therapist my life at home.. In March 2012 I suffered the last abuse, betrayed by raped ( including sodemy) by the hands of my husband. I couldn’t’t take anymore hurt and felt my children deserved a stronger mom as they became more and more aware of my abuse.I ended the marriage and I finally grew the courage to begin to speak out.
I now dedicate myself to reach out and continue telling my abuse as it helps me just by knowing I can make a difference in others situations. I don’t care if I change one or a handful of victims to become survivors like I am . I know at times I may still struggle or fall but Jesus will keep catching me when I do..