Story of an Abused Man

When most people think of domestic violence, they picture a man battering or abusing a woman. Statistically (not only in official statistics but also in self-reporting surveys), this tends to be the case. But if you think men can’t be the victims of domestic violence, either from a woman, or from another man, you’d be very wrong. This story here is written by a very close friend of mine to show you men have pain too.

Domestic violence and discipline has similarities that can change a young boys path of life.Being a male of gender being raised can really affect the way we show emotions,anger and fustrations.  I really have a lot of my childhood block off but hold onto the sence of rejection I felt not ever getting to meet my father in life. I was raised by my mother as she was a single mom with seven children.Her patience was always at a breaking point and her motto was kids should be seen and not heard. Even though I was loved by her as much as she could my emotions of love were never met.  I always felt abandoned by my father sence of rejection and my self esteem I still fight with today.I have never put to rest never meeting my father I aways feel that my heart and mind is totally scarred from this experience in my life.  I had to learn the sence of wholeness from my mother whom discipline us daily how to deal with things the only thing she had bipolar and manic depression since age of fifteen years old.  I personally suffer from bipolar and manic depression with anxiety at times with racing thoughts. I like to help others with things and always seem to put myself last and don’t deal with my issues. I am very driven and have problems focus on myself. I believe it is because I am self helpless.  I learn from my mother because all she did was in able me to hide from my hurt and self destructive .I would just hide away from people not socialize and curl up in the fetal position as I was being protected in the wound as a mother does during pregnancy.  I don’t want to sound at all that I am bashing my mother at all or disrespecting woman in general.It is a problem that my family has had in the generation before me and continues as I have a non nuclear family with a way of being raised not to show emotions.  I always grew up wanting to know my father as I found out that he wasnt so good for me but wish that I could have found out for myself and finally had the whole in my heart ,body,and soul.I always cry watching tv shows of people reuniting with parents they never meant and try to rebuild a life of wholeness. Many parents get divorced and split up and forget the importance of being raised by two loving parents.  The cycle of trying to hurt the other when a relationship ends can really put a devastating destructive emotional scar in a childs start of life.You always feel left out and stuck in a course of life you did not choose to be in.I never had counseling in my younger years as I wish I had done. Too many times being raised as a young boy you are taught to keep your hurt and emotions.If you skin a knee and cry you are told be tough young men aren’t supposed to cry be tough and don’t cry.  So the path is starting to an emotional rollercoaster always putting your feelings inside of you not expressing and making a path of depression and anxiety.Nobody would listen really growing up trying to express yourself they always say don’t think or turn it off. I compulsive stuttered being put into adjustment classes as a young student.I saw a school psychiatrist when i was ten told me to draw a house the best I could so I did drawing one with a double story with a deck ,windows in two dimensional.He evaluted me with a diagnosis of being baby by my mother unknown it was a very wrong diagonsis.I always want to be the best in every thing so people will look up to me .I am meticulous ,perfectionist and compulsive. I have bipolar and really came forward to a head when I was going to be a first time father which I only have had one child.  Most of the time my mind races and i might jump out of chronological order so I apologise if it is hard to follow the order of the years.I can  tell you that I can pick up on people whom have emotional problems or mental illness because i have struggled with it and finally understand it now.When I had races thought in younger years of eduction and had problem learning something I used to hit my head into the floor or punch myself in the head nobody would know.I would also not drink anything or eat punishing myself because i always blamed myself for being rejecting by my father and blaming my mother for pushing my dad away as he never cared for me.  I have had many failed relationships with women as i love them too much putting there needs before my own and you become to vuldenerable.It has been a path of hurt and self-worth that I always put my self-worth around money. I was successful business owner and had a family ran business.I made a path of people needing me to help fixed there problems with pets and pet supplies./  Sadly the business failed because of economic slowdown.I have been hiding from the embarrassment from failure and non being successful. built the relationships of family,friends,peers and customers through money.Once the money wasnt plentiful and I was broke.I hurt so much and suppressed myself being afraid to speak or be seen by people.I would always put myself down and tell myself I will always fail at things so there wasnt any sence of going on thing of suicide every second of the day.  I would totally darken the room,drink a little and not even get up to go to the bathroom for twelve hours at time trying to hurt myself.I even got to the point of thinking of final request of being buried.Nobody could reach me at all because no one really took the time to understand me at all.I had to realize that life is precious and we have the strength in ourselves to be the person god made us to be priceless.  I have an upward climb to become whole I have a twenty-three year old son whom is having problems in his life as I did at the same age as a new father  trying to do everything he can be and be the best husband he can be as he will be married a year this summer.I had became the little boy in a mans body and he became the father figure to me as my mind was looking for the love my father never gave me.Recently he had a mental breakdown and I seen for myself through his hurt and pain that I wasnt being fair to him and putting my hurt and pain bore him.Seeing him like I was open my eyes completely and I feel that i can cant past this and be a survivor from the neglect and hurt cause in my life as I was young. My son needs the dad whom he has known as determined and not the scared little boy in my mind whom procrastinate,hides from people and seclude himself.  There is so much to say but have to start somewhere. I hope I have touch someone to open up and let the pain go in your life. I am a twin which has its competitive side and can be very troubling times as the other one would always compete to be better and hurt the other physically and emotional .You love the twin more and have a connection emotional and feel pain for the other one as you are apart of their so as you shared the would and embilicle cord together, You can develop separation anxiety when the other one isn’t around. Being a twin has cause trouble in relationship of the closeness you have with your brother and spouses try to break that bond.


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